Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well I just put wine in my tea
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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