I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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