i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
