Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's never too late to be topless.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Never underestimate the power of titties
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
