I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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