That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
