No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
