I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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