You work out of a Hotel?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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