since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
