I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
