so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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