i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I am spending my child support on dildos
My balls are so social today.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
