I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
