I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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