thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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