The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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