what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
