First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
