watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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