Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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