problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
