Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
