He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
