stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
