I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
