You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
