Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
