I wish I could punch you in the face.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
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