Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
