I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
