just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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