STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
