As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
