Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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