Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
