The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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