idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
