if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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