You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
