threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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