looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
