She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
