So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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