Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
