I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
