We named our party play list daddy issues
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
