this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
