i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
