my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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