In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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