So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
