Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
