he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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