you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
